No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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