I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize
