im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
