Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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