Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
