I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you never un-have a 4some
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize