I'm really into asian looking animals
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
