You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
