I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
