Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
