Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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