oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
