Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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