im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
