She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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