I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
