New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
