I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
