At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
