The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize