i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
