Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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