1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
