Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How does one acquire holy water?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
