i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
