You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
