I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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