You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
