He disabled his match.com account in front of me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
