Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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