Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
