Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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