The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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