I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
