she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
