I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Randomize
