The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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