If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
