So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
