She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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