Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
