the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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