i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
