Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
