Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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