Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
