I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
