He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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