The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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