I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
