Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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