hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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