god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
