just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize