My first STD was from a foam party
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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