Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
