a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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