Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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