Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
