Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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