so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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