The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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