Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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