hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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