he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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