so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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