FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
