Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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