I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
