i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drunk is not a location!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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