I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
