He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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