you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
