If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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