In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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