I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
