You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
