A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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