Porn is love you can see.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
