one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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