just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
