I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
