we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
