sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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