omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
