Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
