I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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