Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think my fart just growled at me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
