He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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