I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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