Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
