well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
