and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
