So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
