shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
