I hate all girls vehemently.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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