Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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