No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
