just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
