STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
