i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
