i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Floor bacon is actually really good
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
