I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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