Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
