he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
