First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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