hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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