I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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