you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
