Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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