I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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