Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
