I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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