O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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