just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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