last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
