but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
