My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
