I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I want a musical about memes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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